You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
