so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
