But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
