chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
