Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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