arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
