he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
