im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
