Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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