I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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