i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
