Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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