bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I only lived at night.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
