Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
