Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
