Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
