You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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