dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You took a bar mat shot.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
