you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
