I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
