Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
