FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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