idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
this hospital has no fireball
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
