can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
