i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
