haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
