Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What a dumb baby whore.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
