dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
