I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
