I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
