Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I believe in your delicious
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
