Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
