How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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