My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ketchup is God's man juice
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
