When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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