Pappa wants mamma naked
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
