paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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