im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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