can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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