I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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