They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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