matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
