i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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