PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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