The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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