but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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