What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
