$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
