I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
