I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
