I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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