My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
