the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
