My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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